By Bacopa Literary Review 2024 Creative Nonfiction Contributor Joanna Baxter
I move through life like I’m driving on the freeway. I trail run and race my road bike, and in the Winter I’m flying down the slopes. I zip through my chores and my chopping and my talking and my thinking and my household is busy with kids and the dog. But when it comes to writing, my usual “harder, better, faster, stronger” mantra does not apply. Sitting at my writing desk, my speedometer lags and sometimes I flood the choke—stalling out slower than a snail’s pace.
For years, the act of writing came with the paralyzing pressure of “compare and despair” as I watched those around me get published and win awards. The creeping pace of my writing didn’t match the rest of my life and, as I muscled through my pages I began to think, the next person who tells me to “trust the process” is getting a punch in the nose!
It took years of self-flagellation to come to terms with the undeniable speed of my writing, to accept it as part of my unique process that cannot be rushed. My writing process, it seemed, had its own mantra, something like, “softer, honest-er, slower, real-er”. The realization not only rang true, but felt kind, and the kindness was a nurturing new angle.
Writing is Life, and this appreciation of my own process has helped me turn from my work inwards, towards myself and deep into my sense of well-being. It’s shown me how hard I can be on myself and how having made so much of my life into a sort of race made many things harder too. Softening my pace to smell the flowers and touch the grasses enriches my life, just as it makes my writing richer on the page. As I learn to slow down, I’m surprised and delighted to find myself closer to winning a completely different type of race, one that is intensely personal, with no finish line in sight.
About the contributor: Joanna Baxter is a graduate of The Writing Studio at Simon Fraser University. Her work is published in “Better Next Year” (Tidewater Press) and other anthologies. She founded a reading event and podcast called SPiEL and is writing her memoir about sailing. She lives in Vancouver, BC.
